So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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