Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
