Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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