ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
