your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
