Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
