And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
