Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
