I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
