i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
