its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
