Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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