So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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