Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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