when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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