Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
