He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
