WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
