I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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