um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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