I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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