so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
