Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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