is your mom at the bar?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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