I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
