uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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