I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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