Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i came on her dog
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
