I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
