it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
