that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
