I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it glows. i had to have it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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