man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
