Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
