and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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