wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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