Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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