there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
