I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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