i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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