Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
