Pants 0. Shit 1.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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