guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
