I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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