what day is it and did you see me today?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
