She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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