i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
