R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
