So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
