I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
COCAINE IS GR8
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
