Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
did i walk over a car last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
