i permit you to call me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
