whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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