did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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