Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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