I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
