Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
