guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
