Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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