I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
