He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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