You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
