I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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