Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
