Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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