dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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