was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
