Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
