We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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