I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
