It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
